Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Anatomy of a Revolution

What does a hypothetical American Revolution Part II: Electric Boogaloo look like?

Libertarians will happily offer up that it looks like bunch of libertarians in fatigues with American flag lapel pins reluctantly and yet eagerly taking up small arms against teh gubments. According to libertarian dogma, this in no way marks them for precision bombings, because they are Patriots, and F-15E pilots are also Patriots, and Patriots cannot hurt Patriots through the Law of Conservation of Patriotism. America.

In reality any American revolution is born of Americans; that is, leftists. Look then not to your militias and the totally-not-a-militia-group RWVA, but rather to the Occupy scourge. Wherever there is a heavy odor of cannabis, there you will find your revolutionaries.

The urge to revolt is a childish one. It is essentially analogous to a tantrum, thrown by a dissatisfied baby. Unless met with stern discipline, it only begets further tantrums of increasing violence until the child is left rolling on the floor, screaming, kicking, punching, and incessantly insisting that you're hurting me! Your humble author does not intend hyperbole; it is simply convenient to illustrate the motor of revolutions in this way. Another method, and the reader might be inclined to sympathize with the imps, and we can't have that, can we?

Thus a revolution is born when the unwashed masses are unsatisfied, for whatever reason, however large or small. Instead of meeting this public display of dissatisfaction with a swift slap on the rump, the authorities such as they are make baby talk, cooing about how "oh yessss, you are such a poowuh babeh, yuusssss you arrrreee." The protesters will simply meet this with as much confrontation as possible, until some local group of law enforcement is forced to defend themselves.

This eventuality will serve as proof of the injustices that the levellers have been yammering on about the entire time, and will allow them to riot with confidence that they'll have the sympathies of the elite.

This will soon erupt into an all-out Iraq style self-occupation, with troops eventually being called in to do nothing but get shot at by protesters-cum-insurgents. Naturally, whenever troops are ordered to fire against the insurgents, they will be heavily vilified, but this will be so infrequent as to be rendered insignificant.

Make no mistake about US troops: they are trained to obey orders, and thus will be as willing to fire upon American citizens as they would Iraqis or Afghans. It simply won't happen to a large enough degree to quell the revolution to any appreciable degree.

Eventually, enough civil servants will see a greater promise of power within the revolutionaries than within the current structure, and will "give up", in a ploy to solidify their places within the new regime.

Once power is handed over, the revolutionaries will seize all government assets, and renounce all debt. They will then swiftly go deep into debt of their own. All "tories" (those loyal to the previous government) will flee the country, and the assets they left behind will be seized. The rich that stayed behind will be "liberated" of their assets. Infrastructure will crumble, and never be rebuilt. Food shortages will become routine, with starvation deemed a "price of liberty."

Eventually, power will coalesce around certain figures of the revolution. This will result in extremely heavy-handed government, with current officeholders exercising gross amounts of power in an attempt to suppress sympathy with potential competitors. Eventually, something resembling a stable power structure will develop, and the new government, now the old government, will fall into a lazy, Breznevian state, only motivated by a desire to expand the power of its individual members.

Sound familiar?

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